The Glass, Revisited

And the half-filled glass of water is back again, to challenge the minds of various occupations (some of which aren't quite jobs)!

The politician has been left off, lest I cause redundancy with my last post.

Lawyer: Objection! That isn't water! (And that will be a $75 fee for those words...)

Judge: The verdict is ten hours in the digestive system of the plaintiff.

Preachy Guy: Judge not lest ye be judged.

Psychoanalyst: Well, really, it doesn't matter what it looks like. What does the water think it is?

Guy-Who-Lives-In-His-Mother's-Basement: Well, if it works on its hydration skill for another 24 hours, it'll be empty. Can I get back to killing boars now?

Environmental Alarmist: It's less than a half glass as the water, if you would examine it with this overly complex machine, it contains 1200 ppm of atmospheric pollutants. This is a 100% increase from the last glass of water! If we don't shut all the factories down at once, soon our water will be completely made of pollutants!

Economist: The market says the glass is half-empty. Quickly, short all your H2O stocks to me!

Scientist: Well, this glass could easily be an outlier. I will need to be supplied with two more like glasses at minimum to give any valid results.

Philosopher: Is the water?

General: Nuke it, problem solved.

Cheap-Ass Bartender: It a'int free, that's for sure. Pay up.

Druggie: Woah....when was the last time you noticed, like, how watery water is?

Guy-Not-Too-Grounded-In-Reality: I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Serial Killer: *kills you*

Guy-Who-Hangs-Out-At-The-Water-Cooler-All-Day: It doesn't matter, fill it up so you can dawdle here longer.

Gamer: Is that a healing potion?

Blogger: I could make this into a blog post. Be right back.

Half-What?

I'm sure all of you have heard the half-empty/half-full deal at least a good hundred times already.

Here's a slightly different take on that. We know how optimists and pessimists see the glass....what about other ways of thought/life?

Realists - I can touch the glass. It exists. I can touch the water. It exists too.

Nihilists - None of this exists.

Absurdists - Why are you trying to derive meaning from a glass of water? You are not going to unlock the secrets of the mind with a glass of water. Now drink your damn water and get on with your life.

Kantianists - It doesn't matter what this glass of water is to me. It is my duty to consume it.

Rastafarians - Hey, man, it don' matta. Jus' chill.

"Smooth" Talkers - Enough about this glass of water, let's talk about you.

Narcissists - Enough about this glass of water, let's talk about me.

Surrealists - Whoah. Wouldn't it be cool if this cup was a melting clock, or like, an elephant?

Cynics - Why does the water have to be in a glass?

Non-Conformists - I'm not going to conform to any of your prejudices about who I am.

Conformists - What did the previous guy say?

Agnostics - Make the water prove it exists.

Republicans - No.

Democrats - Obama!

Analysts - Actually, since we've been talking, .064% of the water has evaporated, and the glass was not 50% full in the beginning, so, neither.

Defeatists - Is there really a point in answering this? You're going to write down half-full anyways.

Capitalism - I don't know, but I'll call it half-fullif I can sell the glass for more profit.

Communism - I hope you're going to divide the water among the masses afterwards.

Democracy - Which will get me the most votes?