Chinese Vs. English

My trip to China opened my eyes a little more to the various aspects of Chinese. Admittedly, this is more of a Chinese > English post as it has no pro-English points. Then again, we people using English on the internet are so smug about it already, it needs none. Without further ado...

Reason #1: Nnnnnnnooooooo mmmmmmeeeeeessssssaaaagggggeeeeeesssss llllllliiiiiikkkkkkeeeee ttttttthhhhhiiiiiissssss!
I mean, that's enough reason by itself. Okay, extending the vowels might make some half-sense but how the hell do you pronounce:
"Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhha!"
or
"PpppppppppppplzZzzzzzzz!"

(Yes, some of you will point out that this is possible in pinyin. I will point out that no Chinese uses pinyin when they can write actual characters. Pinyin is for us illiterate Americans.)

Reason #2: In Chinese, you pronounce pork as: "Jew ro"
Yes, pork is the Jewish meat.
I don't know about you guys, but I sense a conspiracy about to be unveiled!

Reason #3: In English, when you flip someone the bird, that's the same as giving them the finger, or fingering them.
And if it's a guy, that's just gay.
AND WE ALL KNOW BEING GAY IS BAD AND EVIL RIGHT GAIS I MEAN GUYS

Reason #4: 靠草或微笑。
霸道过哦哦过了染得欧美我的。咯了有冬天可能哦我问哈天天喝哈哈哈哈。

Reason #5: [Censored by Chinese government]

Reason #6: [Censored by Chinese government]