Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween & Remorse

I was not able to finish the Halloween post I intended to do, as RL got in the way. Here is a graph I made for the post, however.

That's the Halloween part.

As for the second part, November is NaNoWriMo month, meaning I'll be focusing on writing up my story. It will have priority over this blog, meaning there will be very tangible amounts of time between posts, if I get a post up during November at all. It's also the reason I haven't posted for the last two weeks. 

However, come December, I'll be rejuvenating the blog with another one post/day challenge for myself.
As always, idea suggestions are always welcome!

Monday, October 18, 2010


You've probably heard of Minecraft right now. If you haven't heard of it, you clearly have not been living in that hole of a basement below the stairs. BACK TO YOUR COMPUTER! NOW! BAD!

Minecraft is a pretty recent indie sandbox game, which by most accounts, is, as one hivemind reported, "Addicting as hell. Can I go back to mining now?"

No others could be pried from their keyboards for long enough to utter any words except for "NEWFAG GTFO OUR BOARDS"

Yes, even the clown forum. They even sprayed me with their prank flowers.

In Minecraft, one goes running about punching trees, punching pigs, punching zombies, and punching stone until you figure out that this guy has an anger management problem get better building materials. From there, it scales, with you building whatever crap you want to, out of whatever you want to. This can take anywhere from minutes to months, depending on which piece of euphemistic structure you build. (Because that's all anyone ever builds, right?)

Finally, as you look upon the glory of your structure, you'll sigh a sigh of satisfaction. (No, that wasn't a continuation of the whole euphemism thing.) And then, you'll accidentally set fire to the place.  Or you'll fall into a pit of lava. Or some creeper will come blow your place up.

Get it right, folks.

This, of course, leads to the 5 Stages of Minecraft Grief, when the fact that your wonderful structure is only a fraction of its former glory finally sets in. (Okay, I get that you see euphemisms freaking everywhere. You can shut up now.) For those of you who are adversely affected by these stages, realize that they do not last. Here the stages are:

1- Denial
Example: Nope. I've still got my diamond armor and sword. Here, watch me take out this spider. Why am I not killing it? The game must be glitched. AAAAHHH! It made me die! I lost all my items! I hate these glitches!

How to cope: Accept that you've lost your base/items/etc. See? They're not there any more. Deep breaths, there we,,, out- OHMYGODWHATAREYOUDOINGWITHTHATCHAIR? (This is where you move to the second stage.)

2- Anger
Example: Aaaaaahhhhh! I lost all my stuff! All my progress! The countless hours (honestly, I lost track after the second hour) spent creating, and fine-tuning! All because of a stupid creeper! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

How to cope: Smash something. Or punch a tree. All better? Good. Punch another tree in case. And another. And another. (At this point, you may exit the stages of grief until next time.)

3- Bargaining
This stage is pure bullshit. Just skip past it, it's not worth the five days of waiting and $50 in roses. You won't get a thank you card.

4- Depression
Example: Oh, this game isn't worth it. I'll go play something else. Or get something to eat. No, that's no good. A creeper will probably blow up my pizza before I get to it or something. Ugh I think I'll just sit here and do nothing.

How to cope: Spend a few hours playing Minecraft to push your depression away.

5- Acceptance
Example: Too busy playing Minecraft, I'll tell you how my depression is going tomorrow. While you're here, check out my newest building!

And there you have it. I'm going to go punch some trees now.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

There's A Blog For That!

Apple has just recently trademarked their "There's an app for that" phrase. Meaning every time you type, say, or think about the consecutive words "There's an app for that" Apple can sue you for IP violations if you don't add a TM (in superscript, mind you!) directly after. I am not sure if parodies or quotes fall under violations, but if they do, I've got a metric fuckton of lawsuits coming for me. Because Apple needs to squish every blogger essentially giving them free adspace out there. On Google, no less!

Honestly, I don't see why they feel the need to trademark that phrase. Sure, it comes up in half the commercials they run (all the non-Microsoft bashing ones, to be specific), but that doesn't make it theirs. I don't know why they feel that just because they use a phrase, it's theirs.

There's a word for that.

Self-importance. Kids these days are just full of it, you know? They think they're the most important people out there. Until you ask them, at which point they profusely deny it. ("Oh, hell no! I'm like, the most humble person in the world, you know?") Part of this is the culture they grow up around. Everything is centered around them - blogs, facebook, myspace, twitter, buzz (for all you cool people in the world) - nearly everyone is figuratively jumping up and down and saying "HEY! LOOK AT ME!".

I said figuratively.

In all honesty, I think all of this could be overcome if we did one thing. Followed the rules of the internet. That's right, you heard me. Like those ones where you're not allowed to mention /b/, or Rule 34. I don't quite remember what that one was, just that it was awfully traumatizing. It was something like...ummm....

There's a fap for that.


Okay, okay, I'm....I'm alright now. Back to our stuck-up generation. All this self-importance has also caused this generation to possess the continual belief in their validity of what they have to say. To the point where what they say becomes overarching in their minds, and apparently to the world. (To the one person who said that Ke-dolla-ha was a singer, I hate you forever.) This causes arguments, fallacious to the extreme. For those of you who have lost all hope in arguments with these folks, remember this:

Use logic and feel smug.
Or, if you want the parody that badly, there's a fact for that!

Now to wait for the cease and desist orders from Apple.
There'll be crap for that.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Boy's Homework Eaten By Dog for 314 Days Straight

Today marks the 314th day upon which Rick Grey has had his homework consumed by his dog, beating the former record held by Lars Meyer, who had his streak cut short after it was found that he, on multiple occasions, consumed his own homework when, "[his] dog wasn't feeling too well."

Rick had an ecstatic smile upon his face throughout the interview. He excitedly told the interview team about how he felt through the whole thing.

In his own words, "I was actually pretty scared in the beginning. I didn't know how it would play out, like, my grades and everything. But then I started to realize that grades really weren't that important, not when I could get my name published as a sentence-long entry in a world records book." Indeed, his struggle was enormous. He cited numerous occasions upon which he met "disapproving looks" from teachers, as well as the occasional call home when "a teacher just didn't get me, you know?"

We also asked fellow students about this endeavor of Rick's. While the reporting team was unable to extract a comment from Tina, the girl who sits next to Rick in Language Arts because oh my god did you see what dress Mikka was wearing and with that blouse too oh my god, the Manny Terrson, Rick's lab partner, provided helpful insight. "He would come every day without any homework. It was amazing. Whenever Mrs. Osst would come around for the homework, he would just respond with a nonchalant 'The dog ate it.' It was freaking amazing." The school misanthrope, Judy West, provided a more controversial view. "I think he's just doing it for the attention. What self-absorbed teenager wouldn't want extra attention? I just disregard him. And everyone else."

Indeed, Rick's journey has been a tough one. His dog refused to eat any plain homework after day 33. Since then, Rick has tried a variety of combinations of condiments which he has put upon his homework. "Ketchup, hot sauce, cat litter, last night's pizza, small shiny objects, vomit, mailmen, chocolate, he eats all of it", Rick said.

As we finished this interview, we put the question to the boy. "How long will you keep this going?"

His response was short, and to the point. "As long as I can. Though college, then grad school. Once I get an office job, memos, research results, large charts, they'll all be accidentally left on the ground where they could be eaten."

When his dog was asked for comment on this future in work-eating, he responded with a noncommittal burp.

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Programming languages are as diverse as people. Each has their own traits and personality. Below is a commentary on some of those languages.

A+ - Language of Asians. Many of those who program A+ began programming C, then converted because their parents expected better of them.

C++ - All the cool people program C++, you should too! Don't be non-conformist.

C-- - A lesser version of C++.

D - This language fails the programming test. Work up to C, at least!

Fortran - That one old guy on the corner who spends all day on the porch. If you get past his rough exterior, however, you'll find a trove of knowledge.

Java - This is not coffee. It can be addictive as coffee, however.

Javascript - This is not Java. Understand? Good.

Lisp - Thith ith a language that ith powerful although it thoundth really weird. Have fun underthanding it.


NXC - See C--.

Objective C - An elitist language, somewhat like many Mac users. Prepare for an extra dose of smugness and long periods of feeling superior for no clear reason.

Piet - Schizophrenics and abstract artists everywhere love this language. They can put random colors into a file, and it makes a program! Magic!

Python - Not much to say, really. It's like that one kid in your class who seems kinda slow at first but provides a brilliant solution out of nowhere. (As opposed to C++, which is that kid who raises his hand and blurts out the answer before the teacher finishes asking the question.)

Shakespeare - Verily, thine language dost appear to be a play! Brings out the playwright in you.

Squirrel - I swear this is different from SQL. For one it- OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!

Whitespace - For people who have too much time on their hands, and are really good at counting spaces.

I'll have a post with more content up tomorrow, with any luck.