Saturday, May 21, 2011

End of the World (Again!)

Apparently I've posted before with the same title, sans the "Again".

Anyways, I'm here to tell all of you that Harold Camping, the proposer of this whole Rapture-day-is-May-21-give-me-your-money thing, is wrong. He went in the right direction, but he's quite wrong.

You see, here's his rationale:

  1. The number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".
  2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
  3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar, as distinct from lunar, year), the result is 722,449.
  4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
  5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
  6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

But in a Eurocentric, ignorant, close-minded mistake typical to such conservachristian radio show hosts, he forgets to include the other prominent religions and cultures in the world, which would of course factor into this.

What did he forget?

Judaism, represented by 26, the name of their god. Because he's the one doing the rapturing.

Buddhism, represented by 8, it appears a lot in its Wikipedia article.

Islam, represented by 5, the number of the "Pillars of Islam"

Fanboyism, represented by 29000, or the number of death threats you will get if you make a scathing remark about the thing that is being fanboyed.

Chinese traditionalism, represented by 4, and water, both words which sound like death if mangled enough, because that's what'll happen to those not taken by god. (Death, that is. Not water.)

Atheism, represented by 1, or the boolean representation of whether or not a follower of this is going to hell.

And of course, it's not fair to give Christianity three whole numbers in this, so we'll give it just one - 10.

So, we multiply the number of years from 0 AD to 2011 AD - from Christ's birth to the modern day - by 365.2422, and add 141 for the number of days since 0 AD. That's 763,643.0642 days. Of course, we're being precise here, so we'll calculate it in milliseconds. Multiply that large number above by 24 for hours, (add 18 for 6:00 PM),  60 for minutes, 60 for seconds, by 1000 for milliseconds, and finally 1000000 for nanoseconds. That gets you 65978825547880000 nanoseconds.

Now, on the other side of things, multiply 26 (Judaism) by 8 (Buddhism) by 5 (Islam) by 29 (Fanboyism) by 4 (Chinese) by water (Chinese again, be sure to convert from base 36 to base 10) by 1 (Atheism) by 10 (Christianity). You get 65450079676800000 milliseconds.

By subtracting the smaller from the larger, and converting back to days by dividing by 86400000000000, you get 6, meaning you have 7 days (God rested on the 7th day, so he throws that one on for free) meaning the rapture is really occurring on the 28th of May, at 6:00 PM. You've got another week to repent your sins, people! Only one week to repent your sins and donate all your money to a charity of your choosing that isn't the Salvation Army or other non-secular charity!

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