Sunday, July 3, 2011

Other Pokemon Irregularities

Yeah. I promise I'll end this soon. There's just so much to write about!

The Pokemon world is kind of messed up, really. Why?

Everything is a pun. Based off words the scientists naming the Pokemon don't know. As far as I can tell, neither salamanders nor turtles nor birds exist in Pokemon worlds. Only Charmander and Squirtle and Pidgey. How the hell did the scientists come up with those names?

Oh. That's right. The Pokemon only say their names.

"Hm. What should I call this creature?"


"I know! I'll call it a Pikachu!"

Real imaginative of them. But then again, they only have a 5th grade education, so I suppose it makes some sort of demented half-sense. I'm pretty damn glad we don't call dogs "woofwoofs", cats "meows", and alligators "ohshitgetthisoffme".

And what do people and Pokemon eat?

Okay, before I get into that, why aren't people considered Pokemon? Because they can say more than one word? Because they're bipedal? Because they have thumbs? None of those are unique to people.

Fuck. Now I want to be able to catch trainers in Pokeballs.

Anyways. Back to the diet issue. I highly doubt all the inhabitants of the Pokeworld subsist on berries/trees/milk alone. Where do they get their protein? I assume some people must like to eat meat.

Think of all the food possibilities! Tauros steak. Tossed Oddish salad. Deviled Pigeot eggs. Fresh caught Magikarp. Spoink and Eggs.

Does this mean there are huge Tauros ranches where Tauros sit in stalls, eating Rare Candies all day before being sent to the slaughterhouse? Are there rows and rows of Grass Pokemon sprayed with pesticide to keep the Weevil off? Are there fried Caterpie delicacies? Is eating Growlithe a no-no in Western culture?

And with the speed at which Pokemon breed, the only endangered ones would be legendaries.

Also, all mammalian Pokemon are platypodes. All of them lay eggs, instead of giving live birth. Do you have any idea how easy it would make IV training if Pokemon gave live birth?

Also, Pokemon reproduction is just messed up. All Pokemon can breed, so long as it's male-female or genderless Pokemon with anything. How the hell do Magnemite make eggs anyways?

No. Please. Never mind. Do not need to find out.

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