Nukes Solve Everything

Yeah. That's right. They solve freaking everything.

Don't believe me?

...

You never do.

Well, let's think this through. What problems have occurred since the development of nukes? And how have they been solved?

War: See Hiroshima and Nagasaki. World War II ended shortly afterwards. Nukes solve. All the other wars weren't significant enough to warrant a nuking. I mean, they were nowhere near big enough! Come World War III, the only weapon used will be nukes.

Energy: We have harnessed the energy of a nuke and transformed it into a nuclear reactor. Don't worry. This energy is 100% safe. The nuke won't go off unless a Transformer comes from Hoover Dam and tries to kick it across the Atlantic. Then it's Europe's problem, not ours.

(And what do we do with the giant robot? Nuke it.)

Poverty: If the humans don't exist to be impoverished, there can't be poverty. Simple.

Environment: Yes, nukes save the environment too. And not just by nuking factories which spew out chemicals and pollutants. What shape do nukes take when they explode? A mushroom (It's not called a mushroom cloud for nothing!). What do mushrooms do? Intake carbon dioxide, and release oxygen. What does a giant mushroom do? Intake lots of carbon dioxide, and release lots of oxygen. What do nukes make? Giant mushrooms. Not just the cloud, either. I'm sure you've heard of all the (Perfectly safe) genetic mutations which radiation can generate. Well, plants have been shown by this study (Which I cannot link to, due to it's lack of existence) which shows that plants in the aftermath of a nuke intake 200% the normal carbon dioxide. The only question here is....why haven't we nuked all the plants of the world?

Politics: Nuke the politicians.

And finally...

Natural Disaster: See this. Yeah. You read that right. We're going to fucking nuke that oil spill! We're going to nuke it out of existence! Yeah, eat nuke, oil spill! That'll teach you to be....erm....oily!

Now, you might ask why we didn't nuke Katrina, or the Haitian earthquake. Well, there are perfectly valid reasons. For the earthquake, our underground nuke-bot had temporarily broken down, so we couldn't prevent the quake. And as for Katrina, we could've nuked her into the spring breeze, but Bush was too much of a pansy to risk losing Louisiana in the blast radius of the nuke.

So the next time you have a problem, nuke it. And if that doesn't work, nuke it again. And again. And again!

Real Life Representations

DISCLAIMER: Short post today. Because I'm lazy as hell.

If life were an MMO....

Well, suffice it to say it would be weird. But in reality, some of the things you see going on in MMO's of all types exist. Here's how some of them can be seen.

Grinding: The people who cannot get enough exercise or knowledge. Trips to the gym and library, for hours or days at a time, not stopping to eat or sleep (or attend to other bodily functions) to increase that stat up to the next level are the norm for these people.

Min-Maxers: These people will do one thing, and one thing only. See very specialized professions, like nuke launcher. (They get to press the big red button!) Their entire life is dedicated to this, and they are incompetent at everything else. Who else does this remind us of? Career politicians, perhaps?

Scammers: Ponzi scheme. Nigerian princes. 'Nuff said.

Bots: These are those souls who exist purely because caffeine does too. Robots are an acceptable definition for this as well.

Message Spammers: The drunkard who wanders by your house each night singing off-key at the top of his lungs.

That One Guy Who Begs For Gold: Ummm.....hmmm. This one is tough. Maybe...umm, nope. How about th- no...Dang. Can't think of one. (In other words, those people who stand on the street with cardboard signs in hand. Have you perhaps considered trying to get a job?)

Multi-Accounters: Buddhists.

Kill-Stealers: That prick who always takes credit for your report.

Gold-Sellers: Those guys who try to sell you a $1 coin for $25.

Quest-Givers: Your boss. They don't do any of the stuff themselves, just get others to do it. And you can't kill them.

Rage Quitters: Suicide.

Hackers: Soulless beasts with nothing better to do than go through obscure laws an exploit them for their benefit and to the detriment of others, consuming their time and money, and generally hated by all. In other words, lawyers.

Newbs: The innocent guy who doesn't know what 4chan is.

Noobs: The annoying guy who pretends to be a newb.

Clan Advertisers: That one annoying guy who plugs his blog everywhere he can.

"Whoops" Doesn't Cut It

DISCLAIMER: The following post may contain stuff about finance and the like.

So, today, the Dow Jones had the biggest drop in its entire history. In half an hour. Over 1000 (not 9000) points lost, 1010 to be exact, or 1010.14 to be even more exact.

There are several reasons for this, but the most major factor was a typo.

Yeah. A typo sent the market crashing. What. The. Hell. I'll get to that later though.

There were three factors which contributed to this historic event, in all.

First, the riots in Greece, and the general fail of Greece. The bankruptcy of the country had the stock market dropping for the past week already. Today would be the same...

Second, an inexplicable drop in Procter & Gamble share prices, from $61.56, to $39.37, though it lasted but a short while, caused automated systems to buy and sell the stock, and generally cause havoc. The bad sort...

The third, and in my opinion, most influential? A fat finger. Someone pressed a 'b' instead of an 'm'. And traded sixteen billion shares of some stock, rather than sixteen million. Whoops.

No, I'm sorry, that's not quite enough. You just sent the Dow Jones back a month. Good job there.

Well, what's done is done. What can we do to make sure this never happens again?

Don't let stock brokers eat any food. That'll make them skinny.

...

What? It's not called 'fat fingers' for nothing! It's not called the 'I can see my ribs without trying syndrome'....unless I've been horribly uninformed about changes in English, and now, fat means skinny, and fingers mean ribs. Or something.

Those are damn fat fingers. Either that, or horrid hand-eye coordination.

Regardless, we must put all stockbrokers on a strict diet so that they can press the 'm' key without any fear of hitting the 'b' key instead. And by strict diet, of course, I mean give them no food. Maybe sell them carrots for $100 each. They certainly have the money. (They're investing in food stocks!)

Of course, a lack of food might cause their fingers to shake uncontrollably. And make them hit 'b' instead of 'm'.

Back to the drawing board.