Why Won't You Die?

I felt that this post needed a bit of expansion. I also felt hungry, and a bit sleepy, but you don't care about that. Which is why I didn't include those thin-

Okay, never mind.

I have recently begun to shirk fmylife and mylifeisaverage as much as possible. The reason? Overusage of the phrases. That overusage has driven them down, down into the ground, and back out into the atmosphere, much to my (and possibly your) annoyance. The beginning of the phrases "FML" and "MLIA" were innocent enough, and possibly even funny (if not tragic in the case of FML).

Unfortunately, this is no longer so. When FML once was used to represent life-altering things, such as accidentally running over a politician, losing your job due to pausing to conduct an act of kindness, living in poverty in a third-world country, or "accidentally" running over a politician, it has now been taken in by the text-crazed teenager. FML has been degraded to such menial events, such as being unable to go out on Friday night after staying out crazy-late Thursday night, or getting a C in a class, even though you were only not paying attention 70% of the time, and got 10% of the homework done (I mean, damn, what do the teachers expect us to do? All the homework? Pay attention in class? What has this world come to?)

Now I'm not quite sure if these teenagers know what they're saying.
FML stands for Fuck My Life. No, not My Life Is Slightly Worse or Kinda-Screw But Not Too Hard My Life, or even Why Won't My Parents Let Me Go Out For Friday Nightlife. Just putting that out there.

Another offender, but not a major one, is MLIA. While it began as a humble "My Life Is Average", it has evolved into "I Do Awesome Shit And Pretend It's Normal".

For example, this fine example is one of the earliest MLIA's ever recorded, back in the 1730's. The exact publishing date is unknown.

"Thif fine day hath found me walking downe the streete withe alle the otherf. Verily, MLIA."

To take this into the modern day, let's pull something from the MLIA site.

"Today, all the lights in the classroom turned off unexpectedly. Just as I said "Lumos", the lights came back on. My friend is now convinced I am a wizard. MLIA."

Now, I don't know about you, but I see two possibilities here:
1) The person has tried this every time the lights shut off. In which case, the fact that this happened was inevitable, and in some ways, a coincidence. The average person does not say "Lumos" whenever the lights turn off in an attempt to turn them back on, and I am sure that the average person doesn't believe wizardry is real, either.

2) The person actually is a wizard. The average person is not a wizard. End of discussion.

I'm sure that the creators of MLIA meant to name their site CoincedencesTurnedIntoStuffThatMakesMeLookCoolOnTheInternetAndIllMakeMyselfSeemCoolerBySayingThatItsNormalForMe.com, but found that the site was taken. However, the site is no longer taken, so I would urge the creators to move their site to there. Unless they're actively trying to deceive their readers into thinking that it's normal to be able to cast spells. Then I have a psychiatric ward I'd like to refer them to.

As I end, I will note that I will impale (with a spoon) anyone who brings up the phrase MLIT. I will also have a post on werewolf/vampire wannabes sooner or later. The fact that the protagonist of Twilight is into bestiality and is a necrophiliac (and is looked up to?) will not be missed. But right now I've got a bit of homework to do. FML.