Friday, October 8, 2010

Boy's Homework Eaten By Dog for 314 Days Straight

Today marks the 314th day upon which Rick Grey has had his homework consumed by his dog, beating the former record held by Lars Meyer, who had his streak cut short after it was found that he, on multiple occasions, consumed his own homework when, "[his] dog wasn't feeling too well."

Rick had an ecstatic smile upon his face throughout the interview. He excitedly told the interview team about how he felt through the whole thing.

In his own words, "I was actually pretty scared in the beginning. I didn't know how it would play out, like, my grades and everything. But then I started to realize that grades really weren't that important, not when I could get my name published as a sentence-long entry in a world records book." Indeed, his struggle was enormous. He cited numerous occasions upon which he met "disapproving looks" from teachers, as well as the occasional call home when "a teacher just didn't get me, you know?"

We also asked fellow students about this endeavor of Rick's. While the reporting team was unable to extract a comment from Tina, the girl who sits next to Rick in Language Arts because oh my god did you see what dress Mikka was wearing and with that blouse too oh my god, the Manny Terrson, Rick's lab partner, provided helpful insight. "He would come every day without any homework. It was amazing. Whenever Mrs. Osst would come around for the homework, he would just respond with a nonchalant 'The dog ate it.' It was freaking amazing." The school misanthrope, Judy West, provided a more controversial view. "I think he's just doing it for the attention. What self-absorbed teenager wouldn't want extra attention? I just disregard him. And everyone else."

Indeed, Rick's journey has been a tough one. His dog refused to eat any plain homework after day 33. Since then, Rick has tried a variety of combinations of condiments which he has put upon his homework. "Ketchup, hot sauce, cat litter, last night's pizza, small shiny objects, vomit, mailmen, chocolate, he eats all of it", Rick said.

As we finished this interview, we put the question to the boy. "How long will you keep this going?"

His response was short, and to the point. "As long as I can. Though college, then grad school. Once I get an office job, memos, research results, large charts, they'll all be accidentally left on the ground where they could be eaten."

When his dog was asked for comment on this future in work-eating, he responded with a noncommittal burp.

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