Friday, December 24, 2010

End Of The World!

Well, I missed 12/21/10, but today is a good enough substitute. Two years (minus three days) from now, the world will be ending, so say the most pessimistic about 12/21/12. The more optimistic think it will just be a change in perspective, and as for those who don't give a rat's ass? They don't give a rat's ass.

Below are some possible "End of the world" scenarios which may occur on the fateful day. These ones are the ones that might actually happen. None of this alien or nuclear war B.S.

Scenario #1 - Palin gains lead on Obama: For all those assembled here, raise your hand if Palin being elected would mean the end of the world.


There we go. How would this play out? Let's see...

Scenario #2 - The Hobbit is a flop: The Hobbit (Part 2) is scheduled to be released December 2012. However, once the movie is released, it will become obvious that the over $500 million in production costs were laundered away, the entire world of LOTR nerds will spontaneously commit suicide. While each one will become an hero for the world, the internet will become bereft of users (save Facebook) and from the resulting wastes....[insert opening for awesome film here.]

Scenario #3 - Byte inversion: North Korea will grow to a world power, trading in nukes for huge statues of King Jong Il, which are actually disguised transmitters. Replicating China's internet trafficking accident earlier this year, the statues will take in 100% of the internet's traffic, and send viruses to every computer. The viruses will invert the bytes, turning 1's to 0's and 0's to 1's. Windows will become Macs. Chrome will turn into IE5. sys32 will become trollface.jpg. Sarah Palin will turn into someone smart. Wait, never mind, she's not a computer.

Scenario #4 - Explosion of the Earth: Hey guys, guess what? The world is going to explode for no reason at all on December 21st, 2012, except for the fact that it's 12/21/12! Exactly a minute after everyone thinks the world isn't going to blow up!

Better post to come tomorrow, hopefully.

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