Friday, June 25, 2010

Fatism & Stupidism

DISCLAIMER: Those with fragile egos or those who are angered when they meet someone who doesn't speak English should not read this post. I am also insecure enough that I will add that this doesn't reflect my views on obesity, or at least the non-airplane parts. Stupidity on the other hand...

No, these words are not something I made up in order to write a blog post. They are the newest -isms to plague the world. First there was sexism, whose end required us to allow the women out of the kitchen every so often. Then there was racism, whose "end" no longer allowed us to state truths such as how all Asians can't drive without being persecuted by every damn news anchor in the world. And a bit before that, Fascism fell, meaning we could no longer justify taking over a country to revive the Roman empire.

Now we have fatism and stupidism. These -isms often go hand in hand with regarding McDonald's as your only grocery store, and thinking that you won't be hounded for posting a picture of your baby holding a bong, respectively. These two may be the greatest dangers to the sanctity of America, and quite possibly the world. I mean, if you're 900 pounds, why should you have pay for two airplane seats, when the 150 pound guy next to you (Who is also suffocating, but that's totally unrelated...) doesn't? That's fatism, that is! I mean, it's not my fault I'm fat! I can't control my body weight at all! (Okay, I'll admit that some parts of one's weight are out of control. Like how much of the three bags of chips you just ate is converted to fat.)

But honestly, why are morbidly obese people treated any differently than the slim celebs of Hollywood? They shouldn't be! Damn it, I want to see some people who break the scales on the front of People magazine, or I'll sue for fatism! (Okay, maybe I don't literally want to see that.) Why don't people take 600 pound men for bikini models? (See? That's sexism too!) There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating a KFC double down for every meal (Link for those who don't know what it is)! Nothing!

Alright, so maybe fatism is wrong, but America, and the world, has taken stupidism to a level beyond my belief. Why do people get persecuted for being stupid?

Okay, yeah. It's not their fault they didn't learn in school, or get some common sense. It's obviously the fault of society; we're such pricks, not giving public access to learning facilities and ways to learn life skills. And it's totally the media's fault that you posted a picture of your baby holding a bong on Facebook. As a society, we're such manipulative bastards.

Honestly, why are those less intelligent and less wise treated any differently? If I have an IQ of 56, and can't tell the difference between a cyanide pill and a green bean, does that make me any less qualified to run Microsoft, or Boeing? I think not! Just because I smoke crack all day doesn't mean I should be paid less than the manager who works his butt off to get all the shifts covered! This is so unjust, it makes me want to take another hit of cocaine!

Well, luckily, there are those who fight the lure of stupidism, and work for the good of A-class idiots everywhere. Without these fighters for equality, these freedom fighters, would George "Dubya" Bush have gotten into office? Nope. Would Green have made it onto England's football team? Unlikely. Stupidists everywhere are trying to prevent those of lesser intelligence from tackling jobs they know they could do, and that we know they can't.

Fatism and stupidism need to go. They are dividing this world, and not just by accidentally blowing up oil wells or dropping ballistics on the road. (That insect was freaking scary, man!)
Wait. That's a contradiction. Maybe they don't need to go...

These -isms aren't always bad. Without them, Arizona would officially no longer be bordering Mexico (With nobody to point out argumentum ad populum), South Africa and South America would be one and the same, and airline companies would be making far less money.

And finally, as a note to any shocked, horrified, or completely offended readers....see the About Me page. Then never listen to anyone speak again, lest they offend you, too.

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