Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Grand Old Party

I cannot understand why the Republicans don't hold the presidency, or the Senate majority...
They have valid arguments, and they had them back when Obama was campaigning.

Oh. Maybe that's why.

No, no. That can't be it. I mean, going against government regulation is the Conservative way. Yeah! Go conservatives! Stop those governments from regulating offshore oil drilling! Whoo!

Okay, so let's take a look at what the Grand Ol' Party is proposing in Texas.

"[They] would ban oral and anal sex..."

Nope. That's not government regulation in any way. Nuh-uh. La-la-la-la-la! I'm not listening! Your accusations of hypocrisy are meaningless and I'm not listening la-la-la-la-la! Stop talking, it's pointless...

"[They] would [also] give jail sentences to anyone who issues a marriage licence to a same-sex couple."

No, no. Stuff it. That's not government regulation, that's ummm....its.....stopping something that's obviously wrong. Yeah. That's what we're doing. We're not intruding on your private life or infringing upon your personal rights in any way. We're preventing you from doing something bad. That'll send you to Hell, you know. I'm sure you don't want to go to Hell.

I'm also sure you don't want to help bring about the downfall of society. Like the article says, "homosexuality tears at the fabric of society..."

If you practice homosexuality, or even support the rights of homosexuals, you're rank unpatriotic. You support the downfall of America! And not just America - all SOCIETY! That's the bloody world, that is. That's going against nature itself! Homosexuality will - and is - destroying humanity.

Let me present a few points for this.
First, the economy. The economy is utter crap right now. And obviously (as you can see because of my use of the word, as opposed to any statistics I don't have) gay rights are on the rise. Gay rights go up. Economy goes down. I think I see a relation...

If you really need some statistics, take a look at this.
Yeah. That's the Dow Jones, falling over 400 points over two days. Do you know what else that is?
The two days after Obama declared he was considering repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell.

Then, at a gay pride event just four days ago, Obama promised the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. The Dow Jones tumbled 150 points over the course of that day.

The economy is sending us a message here. It's waving and screaming to get our attention, but we're not paying attention. We should be.

I have many more points I could make, but there are so many other good ones I have it would be unfair to pick just one. So instead I'll promote idea equality and not tell you any of them. That way you won't know I don't actually have any more.

So, I'll finish up quickly. The Texas GOP has also proposed to ban pornography. Damn straight. You know what looking at boobs gets you? An erection. Eternity in Hell. We're saving your souls, people! We're not interfering in your life or limiting what you can do in any way!

Well, you might ask how the Texas GOP would go about doing this. First we'd censor all the magazines you ever might read. For word porn too. Did you know that reading the word "sex" gets you the equivalent of a year in Hell? (Sex sex sex sex sex) After that, we would filter all internet - cable, wireless, and 3g/4g networks. We would ban all content with the letters 'p', 'o', 'r', or 'n' in it, and prevent any images of skin from being seen. In case, you know. So cease your pointless arguments about hypocrisy and let the GOP impinge upon your rights save your soul.

Afterword: To any Conservatives out there, please decry the blatant hypocrites of your party. That is all.

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