Saturday, May 22, 2010

Why I Will Never Go To France

France is somewhere I never plan on going to. Why? There are too many reasons to count (And I can count higher than 5!), but I'll try to cover most of them.

First, I wouldn't be able to suffer their snootiness. I mean, how can you interact with someone who can only talk to you by looking down their too-angled nose, past their curved mustache, and raised lower lip? You can't! I mean, these people are on such high horses, they have to speak a whole different fucking language. Oh? So you're too good for English, now, are you? (And don't get me started on the Chinese...they're too good even for our alphabet!) Well, I hope the Germans invade you again!

While we're on the subject of war, that's another reason I'd never go to France. They're pansies. Have they ever won a war? Google knows all. And Google says...

Or, in other words, NO!
And no, this isn't me being tricky and hitting "I'm Feeling Lucky". That button isn't there. (On a slightly related note, Pacman is such a time-eater in addition to a glowy-dot eater.)
As far as I know, and as far as Google knows, France has never won a battle. Why?
They surrender every time! So if the Neo-Nazis invaded France when I was there (which I wouldn't be), France would surrender, and I would be screwed. (Also, Godwin's Law)

Moving on...
France derives a majority of its power from nuclear power. In fact, 78.8% of their power is nuclear. And what else is nuclear? Nukes. Just in case you didn't know.
If Chernoble were to happen again, but with France's nukes (Oh, don't give me that bull that they aren't hiding nukes in those reactors!), AND Neo-Nazi's invaded, I'd be doubly screwed. Plus, I'd grow an extra arm and grow to fifty times my size. (Maybe that'd make my nonexistent BMI double-digits?)

Plus, where does France store all that nuclear waste? Not in the Parliament, that's for sure. And if the leaders of the country aren't shouldering it, who must be? The common people. I bet every single Frenchman (and Frenchwoman, Frenchchild, and Frenchpoodle) would make my Geiger counter go haywire. I shudder to think of how many extra appendages they have.

And a final reason I'd never go to France?
If you flip it around, take out the Cna, and the F, and add a T to the beginning, and an Rorist to the end, you get...

Yup. Terrorist.


  1. so stereotypically american

  2. silly king, google italicizes the words you get wrong

  3. Whoops XD
    Image editing fail.