Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Gringo Mask

A company in Maine has released a fantastic new product!
It is called a gringo mask!

Now, what is this? It's a cutout of a blond-haired, blue-eyed person. Male or female. (For those of you who are confused about their gender, now would be a good time to choose.) You cut the mask out, and put it on your face to mask your true race. Useful for bypassing all sorts of racial profiling.

So, what could this be about? Well, it's a blatant effort to aid illegal immigrants in Arizona in avoiding being deported! And it seems like it will be quite effective. I mean, once you put on a mask, you're a totally different person! Even if your mask happens to look exactly like the person's next to you, makes your face look like it's hovering two inches in front of where it should be, and is two-dimensional! Disregard the fact that the facial expression never changes, either! It's going to make killer profits for this company!

This will definitely solve the problem of illegal immigration in Arizona. If we can get all the illegal immigrants to wear these gringo masks, we can totally forget about the racial profiling law; it'll be torn down as soon as it proves to be completely ineffective when every person in Arizona is the same race! What about it, huh?

The only thing which gets me is the fact that this company is up in Maine. I mean, why not in Arizona? What does Maine know about illegal immigrants? I'm sure they've got Canadians pouring in left and right, eager to escape their free healthcare. I say, have them hand the service over to an Arizonan company who will be better able to relate to their customers, like Arizona Iced Tea. Don't tell me that illegal immigrants don't drink iced tea!

Unfortunately, the site selling these masks has been pulled. Wait, what? That makes no sense?
Oh, so you were giving the masks away for free? No wonder! How the hell can you expect to make a profit if you're giving away your only product for free? You've just deprived yourself of this wonderful business opportunity, and the chance to laugh in Arizona's face as they can't tell illegal immigrant from legal citizen! I mean, can you see any difference between these two people?

Nope, I couldn't either! I mean, the fact that I couldn't tell the difference between a soulless mask meant to hide an illegal immigrant, and the president (who is about as legal as you get, and no, I don't mean in that way), says something about that mask. And don't you start giving me that crap about Obama not having a birth certificate, and not being a legal resident of the United States.
Here's a flowchart I found that explains it quite simply.

There we go.

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