Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Boycotting Arizona

So, now Seattle is boycotting Arizona. It's actually kinda old news, but this isn't FOX news (And boy am I glad it isn't.)

But, anyways, for the average Seattleite, what does that really mean?
As I doubt most of us are going to Arizona any time soon, not much, really.

Wait. I take that back.
No Arizona Iced Tea.



Well, okay, it doesn't really hit me, per se. But in an interview, a Seattleite (who will remain anonymous) stated, "I'll, like, die [without Arizona Iced Tea]!"

That statement may or may not have been pulled from a cellphone conversation of a random person at the bus stop.
But, if you don't believe that, look at what this poll says. I've made it a pretty chart and everything to make it look believable!

See! As time increases, thirst increases too! Disregard the utter lack of content, and look at the rising red line! Red is bad! See, if we don't have Arizona Iced Tea, that's bad! In fact, in a poll, 100% of responses showed that Arizona Iced Tea was essential to life. Never mind how many people were polled.
Oh, don't tell me you want to look at the graph again! Here, look at the shiny stars on the graph. Shiiiiiinnnnyyyy.....now walk away from the graph and stop pointing out the fallacies within it which do not exist.

So, how else is Seattle impacted?
Well, we lose the use of some of our red-light cameras.
This is also bad, almost as bad as losing the iced tea. How will we ever catch people who run red lights? And furthermore, how will the city sustain itself?

A pretty freaking huge part of Seattle's budget comes from those lights. Almost $124 a month!
That's like....
Well, almost one one-hundredth of a percent of our annual budget! We'll never survive!
We must call this boycott off before we all die of dehydration and lack of funding!


Afterword: The voices in my head have just informed me that Arizona Iced Tea is actually made in New York. Wow. Way to rip off the name of a state, New York. We should boycott you too.

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