Saturday, May 1, 2010

Z0MG R t3h 1337!!11! (aka Annoying Internet Denizens, Pt.1)

Before I plunge in, for those of you who have no encountered this internet archetype before, be glad you haven't. The 1337's (Elites), as I shall refer to them from here on in can be easily picked out from a group of forumites or gamers by their distinctive overuse of numbers and exclamation marks, the lack of vowels, and CAPS LOCK RAGING (which I will go into at a different time). There are many other identifiers, but those are the most prominent definers.

Sample: ZOMG!!!!11 DID J00 see me PWN TH@ n00b!?!??! I T0TALLY 0WNT HIM!!!!111

A little piece inside me just died typing that.

1337's often contribute little to forums, chasing "n00bs" away for asking questions, or responding with just "LOLLL!!!!!!" to an ode to someone's recently deceased dog. When faced with rational arguments, or criticism, they spew something along the lines of "LOL n00b!". Note the repetition in their statements. So how should one react to a 1337?

Before going into solutions, we must first go into their psychology. For some reason, 1337's have got it into their heads that having excessive numbers in their posts makes them superior to others.

In which case, wouldn't a post in binary (or base 1, for that matter) be even better than 1337?
I would think so.

On to some possible actions. Note that some of these may be wiser than others.

The Gamer Way: Challenge the offender to a clan war. Then get your ass handed to you while you spew profanity.

The Rational Way: Respond with a post which makes sense to those not acquainted with 1337, followed by a three page essay as to why 1337 should not be used. With MLA'd sources.

The Mod Way: You're an admin. Banhammer....

t3h 1r0n1k w4y LOLZOR!!1!111ONEONE!!: Post in 1337, except, well, ironically.

The 01100101 01101100 01101001 01110100 01100101 Way: Use binary and get on an even higher horse than those 1337s.

The Best Way: Walk away from your computer, shaking your head sadly at what humanity has become.

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